I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
