You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
