are you still at the devil's house?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you will always have a special place in my vag
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
