Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
