My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
