it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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