Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize