he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
