Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
