Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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