He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
