fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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