he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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