sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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