Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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