I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
