he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
