It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this just has baby written all over it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize