I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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