Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize