we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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