If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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