Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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