So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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