So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
