dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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