Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
