My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
