what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
