well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
