I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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