Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
