Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
