Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
