ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
