it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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