Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
