Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
