I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A+ Viking dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize