They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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