Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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