there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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