We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
