her vagine was all disorganized.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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