Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
