I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
