i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
