just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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