I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
