that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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