I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
