So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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