my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
