if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
