i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
