her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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