Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
