The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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