how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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