Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
