You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
