Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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