Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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