I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your penis caused this!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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