I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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