hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
