I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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