ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
