Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
