I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
