Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
