If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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