Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
