I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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