Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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