His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
