no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
